The Cost of the Up-Sell

Would you like fries with that?

Well -- no, I just ordered the salad with no-fat dressing and a Diet Coke.

Still, they have to ask. Restaurants and businesses of all stripes add to the bottom line with simple questions like that. To us as consumers these queries are sometimes useful (Great, I never thought of that! Let me have that too!), sometimes annoying (like the McDonald’s example above) and sometimes just outrageous (You greedy, conniving thieves, what are you trying to sell me?).

Businesses need to understand when they are crossing the line from annoying to outrageous. Selling up in an honest, transparent way should benefit both buyer and seller, but when the greed factor starts to exceed real customer need by excessive margins, it will only serve to undermine trust and erode the relationship.

My recent trip to Best Buy for a new television provides a spot on example of misguided upselling.

Armed with my Consumer Report printouts, knowing the size and type I wanted, set on a budget range and ready to buy on the spot, I strode purposefully up to the TV section of the store seeking assistance.

The sales guy was friendly and helpful, and we narrowed it down to the one that was right for me fairly quickly and painlessly. But before he started writing up the order, I asked him to clarify the “extras” such as set up and delivery. It went downhill fast from there.

I understood that there would be an additional charge for set up, so I had called the “Geek Squad” in advance to determine the cost. After going over the specifics – hook up to a surround sound home theater system, reprogram my universal remote, etc., they quoted me a firm price of $175. Fair enough.

The salesperson said that was wrong, that it would cost me $300. Plus, $100 for delivery. But that wasn’t the bad part.

The TV would not work properly, the salesman insisted, unless it was “calibrated” for optimum color. He brought me over to two identical 50-inch televisions, both hooked up to a video camera where we could see ourselves. One was calibrated, one was not. Guess which one looked better?

The cost? Just another $300. So now the price of my $1,000 set is up to $1,700, a nifty increase of 70%, before tax.

I got on the phone to two other retailers to ask about calibration. Both told me it was unnecessary, and if it were to be done, it was a very complex process that would take far longer than an hour and cost much more than $300 to really make a difference.

I’m not one to argue with the great success of Best Buy. I would think that their research and their sales data tell them that for every customer that walks away angry, many more will simply shake off the calibration issue and just buy the TV out of the box. And some will actually take the bait and go for the $300 calibration.

But it’s still wrong, both for Best Buy in the long term and their customers in the short term. In a marketing and media world increasingly influenced by the transparency of social media, it will catch up with them sooner rather than later.

Deeper Qualitative Research With A Social Media Approach

Where do great conversations happen? The best place to find yourself at a party? Why the kitchen, of course. The more intimate settings and structure of our Kitchen Table Sessions help our clients dig deeper than the usual qualitative and get us much closer to consumers. The overall approach and the “Building Block Concepts” we develop are much more “social media” than “traditional.” We provide a “bottom up” framework to develop better products, brand positions and communications. Not to mention that it’s more social in a face-to-face kind of way. Respondents are given the “raw materials” to develop their own dialogue and ideas. We observe and participate their thought process up close and personal. To learn more about how Kitchen Table Sessions can help you develop new products, position existing products or marketing communications, email Jeff Hirsch at jhirsch@therightbrainstudio.com for a brief PowerPoint presentation.

Off To A Bad Start: Tiger’s First Public Appearance

We’ll see what Tiger Woods has to say for himself tomorrow, but the signs leading up to his first public appearance tomorrow do not bode well.

From a social media perspective, the transparency, humility and sense of atonement he needs to get right with a once adoring public and his wife seem to be conspicuously absent.

Cute nickname aside, Tiger was never a warm, empathetic public figure. His interviews were always controlled and mechanical, and his on-course behavior was cold bordering on hostile. Yes, he’s a very focused, fierce competitor, but that doesn’t mean that he has to behave badly.

Arnold Palmer was a fierce competitor, but his outgoing personality and at least the appearance of being open and accessible formed a strong foundation for Arnie’s Army. Tiger, on the other hand, curses, throws clubs, and never did anything to engage his fans. Lance Armstrong has his demons, but regularly Tweets, engages his fan base and strives to leverage his personal fame and fortune for the public good.

In addition to the many calls for public humility – more a matter of style and tone, Tiger needs to make some very big gestures if he wants to set his image back on the right track. Here’s a guy who would still be incredibly rich – probably in a matter of months – if he lost everything he had to this point. Superb athlete that he is, his winnings from the PGA Tour in 2010 alone would likely make him a millionaire many times over once again.

He’s already established a charitable entity, this Tiger Woods Foundation, dedicated to providing grants and scholarships to young people, is indeed a great work. Now he needs to do more.

The controlled appearance tomorrow – limited to personally selected, invited guests, with no questions allowed from the press, is an inauspicious beginning. While he may very well come clean – expect him to announce his successful sex-addiction therapy, mea culpas for his cheating and apologies to his wife and public, and possibly finding God – just may not seem entirely pure. The medium is the message, and he is starting with the wrong medium.

The fact that he scheduled this appearance in the middle of an Accenture sponsored tournament – a company that severed ties with him after his indiscretions – cannot be an accident. It seems mean spirited, and attempt to upstage his onetime benefactor, and very “me” oriented.

This isn’t about him. It’s about what he did and the public and private trusts he betrayed. Ultimately, this type of controlled outreach will not serve him well.

I would like to see Tiger start by talking about his lapses and his struggles to set himself on a better path with personal appearances and in online blogs and Tweets. If he has completed a 12-Step program, with a “one day at a time mantra,” it would be nice to know what he is doing on a day to day basis to improve himself and repair his image.

He should also make a very grand gesture, say a donation of $25 million or more to a pro-social cause related to women. This could be part of his current Foundation – a new and distinct effort to help girls and young women with self-esteem so they would never be tempted to become one of his or someone else’s victim, or, something entirely new, such as help for abused women.

His mistresses were certainly using him to become rich and famous, or simply to attach themselves to one of the world’s most famous people for their own self-aggrandizement in one way or another. But he was the biggest user. With all the discipline and hard work he exercised to achieve his athletic dominance, his behavior as a human being was selfish and crass.

If I were an advertiser – or a woman he might court seriously after a possible divorce – I’d stay far away until I saw a very tangible sense of atonement, a sharp transformation in attitude and very real changes in behavior.

The likes of Bill Clinton and even Richard Nixon proves that there is redemption after a fall. Let’s hope Tiger will eventually do the right thing for himself, his fans and his family.

Domino's Pizza Turnaround: Social Media Comes To Life on Network TV

That the recent Domino’s “Pizza Turnaround” effort is spot on and gutsy is impressive, but even more noteworthy for its inspiration and context. The campaign is a vivid demonstration of the power of social media, proving that online efforts need not and should not simply be afterthoughts to television advertising and other traditional media.

That this is a major, network television advertising campaign should not disguise obscure its social media roots and sensibility.

The hallmark of social media is the ability to engage, listen and respond to consumers in the moment, all in a very public and transparent way. This takes a certain amount of fearlessness on the part of the marketer, for when an open forum is provided for customers to praise us or to vent, the bad will inevitably accompany the good.

Smart marketers understand people will inevitably say bad things about their products anyway, and that YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other social media will spread the word far, wide and fast.

Domino’s has owned up to its product problems and done something about it, all very publicly. By doing so, they have effectively taken control of a discussion that was previously way out of control.

If the TV ads alone don’t confirm their social media sensibilities, the Domino’s www.pizzaturnaround.com website certainly does. It features a live, seemingly uncensored Twitter feed with both kudos and criticism. They also provide a link to the “Colbert Nation” website, where Steven Colbert lampoons them mercilessly.

I haven’t tasted the new product yet (being an ex-New Yorker and pizza snob, I tend to favor the mom & pops), but this sure motivates me to do so. The product message is at the core of it, of course. But by being so open and transparent, Domino’s is telling me, as a consumer, that they respect me.

If pizza eaters across the nation get that message, as I suspect they will, Domino’s is sure to benefit.

Social media can work brilliantly to let consumers feel that their thoughts, feelings and opinions matter. This, in turn, leads to feeling of inclusion and respect. Domino’s was smart enough to take this ongoing dialog, one that many brands limit to social media exclusively or neglect entirely, and enhance with its television ads.

It wasn’t an afterthought. In this case, it was the “big idea.” Many marketers – especially those with limited television and print budgets, would be well served to consider social media the “big idea” and starting point for their marketing programs as well.

Prius Therapy

For the first time, dispersions are being cast on my beloved #Toyota Prius! Dealing with all this unexpected cognitive dissonance is unpleasant and has me feeling out of sorts.

I was thrilled to be part of the “Club” when I bought my Prius exactly four years ago. As I noted in a blog back then, people stopped me in parking lots to express interest in buying one themselves or to share the happiness of their own Prius experience.

Rock-solid Toyota quality has taken some brutal body blows in the past few weeks and the company will suffer greatly in the short term. It was revealed yesterday that the Blue Book value of Toyotas had fallen by at least $300 and further declines were expected.

The thing is, I have too much emotional investment in my car to turn on Toyota at this point. I believe many others feel the same way. A local L.A. news story on TV last night featured a reporter out at a big Toyota dealer doing whatever she could to scare the s#%* out of customers brining their cars in for service – whether they owned the recalled models or not. The part needed to fix the sticky accelerators is very small – the size of a nickel. “Do you really feel that this tiny part can fix this big problem?” Disgraceful.

But despite the bias and sensationalism employed to milk the most out of this story, there were many – especially Prius owners – who continue to say, “Best car I ever owned.”

These problems are obviously serious and potentially life threatening in some instances. And as I understand it they were most likely caused by Toyota farming out the manufacturing for parts that they once handled internally. Not good.

Even so, perceptions and feelings nearly always trump facts in marketing. I just love my Prius too much to turn on it at this point. This has been one great, low-maintenance, high return relationship for the past four years. How could I possibly turn on my “friend” after all this time?

I suspect many others feel the same way, which is precisely why Toyota and the Prius will get through this crisis.

Member Appreciation Day

ap·pre·ci·a·tion

1 a : judgment, evaluation; especially : a favorable critical estimate b : sensitive awareness; especially : recognition of aesthetic values c : an expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude
2 : increase in value

Yesterday was “Member Appreciation Day” at my gym, L.A. Fitness. And what a sincere demonstration of gratitude it was!

My appreciation experience began as I checked in. The two women working as receptionists, responsible for scanning the bar code on the little plastic membership cards attached to my key ring, were both talking on the phone when I checked in. They did not bother to look up, make eye contact or say hello. Welcome to Member Appreciation day!

Once in the gym, L.A. Fitness showed continued to shower their appreciation on its members by having representatives from Chase at desk trying to sign members up for checking accounts – and using the p.a. system every fifteen minutes to urge us to do so.

Being concerned with our health, they generously offered cut up pieces of blueberry muffins and little paper cups of bottled orange juice.

That was the extent of it.

They had advertised this day on posters throughout the gym for at least a month. I had visions of nutritionists, health experts, fitness workshops, samples of healthy foods, maybe even a free t-shirt or something.

I couldn’t have been more wrong, and you’ve got to wonder what they were thinking when they planned this “event.” In the low margin, high turnover world of health clubs, logic would dictate that small investments from time to time to enhance customer loyalty and stem attrition would pay off handsomely.

They just got it totally wrong and backwards. Trying to sell a captive, dues paying audience more stuff – and in this case, products and services completely unrelated to the company’s core business and stated mission of promoting a “healthy lifestyle” – is just disrespectful and cynical.

Most important, it’s not good business. L.A. Fitness members know it and will vote with their wallets when even a marginally better offer comes along.

We’re Mad As Hell And We’re Not Going to Take It Anymore.

No matter what your politics, the Massachusetts Senate race illustrates the anger and impatience of American voters – who also use their wallets to vote for products and services every day. As the Peter Finch character in “Network” implored, Bay Staters did the equivalent of going to their windows and shouting, “We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.”

The election of Scott Brown is the equivalent of a loyal American Airlines frequent flier with two million lifetime miles abruptly deciding to fly “No-Name Airlines” or a life-long Coke user switching to “Bob’s Good-Cola.” Fifty years of history and brand loyalty undone in a matter of months with a move from the Kennedy brand and all it represents to the people of Massachusetts to a virtual unknown on the other side of the aisle.

If this can happen so abruptly in politics, can the same happen in the marketplace? Are established brands as vulnerable to the same phenomenon, and if so, are there opportunities for upstarts to tap into voter/consumer sentiment and topple them?

The major difference between political and consumer marketing seems to be the knee-jerk tendency of the former to go negative and bash away repeatedly. Facts are twisted and outright lies are often propagated.

We consistently hear in our consumer focus groups that, “Negative advertising (or even comparative advertising) is a turn off,” and few, if any brands, ever “sink to the level” of bad-mouthing a competitor to the extent the politicians do it.

Which is not to say that there aren’t some hard-hitting, competitive ads out there. Car companies, mobile phone networks, packaged foods brands and others frequently name competitors’ names in staking their claims of superiority. While we learned in business school that such strategies are better suited to brand challengers rather than brand leaders, we now see companies like Verizon Wireless supplementing its successful “best network” campaign with direct comparisons of its “3G Network Coverage” with the much sparser coverage of rival AT&T.

But do these types of ads tap into the raw anger that is so apparent in our society at present? Probably not. It’s just a cell phone, not your savings, your career, your health or anything else that elicits raw feelings of helplessness or insecurity.

Or does it?

Consumers can get awfully worked up about products and services. Credit cards and airlines are two good examples. Speaking from a personal perspective, I can tell you that every time I fly American Airlines (I am that 2 million mile person) and don’t get upgraded, the experience leaves me feeling angry, emotionally drained, physically exhausted and even in pain. My shoulders are wider than the coach seats. The seat ahead of me, unless I’m lucky enough to get a bulkhead or emergency exit row, is so close to me, that I not only feel claustrophobic, but I can’t even open up my laptop computer all the way to work. There’s absolutely nothing decent to eat.

If United came to me tomorrow, acknowledged my anger directly and offered to transfer my miles and status while offering a more humane experience in coach, I would jump at the chance to switch airlines.

The key is tapping into my anger in a timely manner. United would have to trash American – not unfairly – by laddering up from the bad food, lack of room, etc. to something much bigger. At American you are cattle. You should be mad as hell! At United you are a human being and deserve to be treated as such. Don’t let them take advantage of you! Don’t internalize your anger, do something about it that will make you feel good about yourself!

This applies well beyond airlines, the banking industry and other obvious categories. Maybe a soup company or a casual dining chain is killing you with fat and sodium. There’s something to be angry about! Or a cell phone company is just ripping you off with hidden charges or not giving you the coverage it says it provides.

It’s precisely what the politicians do – successfully. One might argue that brand images may be irreparably harmed by this approach. Again, with politics as the model, this does not seem to be the case. Such tactics tend to reinforce the base and reach out to those disgruntled people who have not made up their minds, providing a severe shock that forces them to reconsider their world view.

Going negative is risky business for a brand, especially an established one. But these unconventional times call for unconventional actions to be successful. With the relatively new and powerful tool of social media and marketing available, it would seem that a two-prong approach – positive on TV and so called “traditional” media, scathingly negative online – might be something to consider as a way to steal market share quickly and effectively.

The Maria Diet & Other Post Holiday Thoughts On Food

Welcome Back

I returned from the holiday break well-rested, energized and ready to go. I only wish I was as light on my feet as I was in early December. Like many of you, no doubt, I’m starting the year a few pounds heavier, the result of too many good meals and luscious treats over the past few weeks.

This is the time of year that when our personal, never-ending inner conflict between the need for satiety and pleasure with our desire for to stay fit and trim reaches its peak.

In the same vein, it’s also a good time to take a look at how marketers at restaurant chains and packaged foods companies might start rethinking the meaning of “customer satisfaction.”

Quality versus Quantity

As my 16-year-old son said as four of us scarfed down two amazingly rich and huge desserts in a Palm Desert (California) casual dining restaurant last week, “This place is a great if you’re going by calories per dollar.”

Quite right. Abundance is All-American and the desire for large portions have been hard-wired into our brains. And despite the obesity dilemma and government imperatives to provide calorie counts and other nutritional information, the dominant message we see from quick service and casual dining food chains is still more food for your money.

While clearly unhealthy for American weight and cholesterol levels, it’s not all that healthy for the long-term health of the food industry either.

Reconciling the need for quality – of food, of health, of life – against our uniquely American, hard-wired, culturally ingrained desire for immediate gratification and filling up is more about personal choice and responsibility rather than a corporate or government mandate. Either way, it is a difficult and complex challenge.

There is no short-term fix. “All you can eat,” whether it’s pancakes at IHOP, seconds, thirds and fourths at Hometown Buffet or shrimp at Red Lobster are visceral, easy to understand, attractive offers which only work that much better when consumers are financially stressed.

But if Americans continue to grow obese, it is likely that our collective physical health, emotional well-being and self-esteem will decline in direct proportion. And we want happy, healthy customers, don’t we? Not just in the short-term, but over the course of their long(er), happy(er) lives.

Healthy, Sensible & Enjoyable Eating

I’m not a nutritionist, but I have read many articles and a few books about all kinds of diets and eating philosophies. There are food pyramids. There are diets focused on blood types, low-carbs, low fat, and high protein. There are vegan, vegetarian and no-dairy diets. There are diets that suggest mixing food types at every meal, and those claiming that eating your proteins and carbs hours apart will prevent weight gain.

But there’s only been one approach that’s ever made any real sense to me. It’s the simplest of all, but also the most difficult. Eat whatever you want, but limit your calorie intake.

After all, it’s not really hamburgers that kill people. It’s people eating too many hamburgers that kill people, i.e., themselves.

Some "Food Rules" To Live By And The "Maria Diet"

The waif model Kate Moss was quoted as saying, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny.” Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live begged to differ. He thought bacon tasted better. It’s the middle ground we need to search for.

There are two strategies for eating healthy that I find refreshingly sane and simple. The first comes from Michael Pollan, author of “The Omniovore’s Dilemma” and “In Defense of Food.” In his new book “Food Rules,” a fast and easy read, he sums it all up with this straightforward, common sense advice:” 


“Eat real food, not too much of it, and more plants than meat.”

“Or, put another way,” he writes, “get off the modern western diet, with its abundance of processed food, refined grains and sugars, and its sore lack of vegetables, whole grains and fruit.” A summary of Pollan’s “ food rules” can be found on a “Health & Cooking” post on Web MD.

Then, there’s something I like to call “The Maria Diet,” named for a baby sitter we once had when my kids were young. Maria (now a medical doctor) was a UCLA undergrad with nary an ounce of fat on her body. A beautiful young woman, she never counted calories or watched what she ate. Her secret: Take a few bites and walk away.

She ate the ice cream, the burgers, the cake, the chocolate bars, the chips, the pizza – everything. But all in great moderation.

Which reminds me of a joke. Rosie O’Donnell, in her stand up routine many years ago, skewered the heavily advertised “Slim-Fast Plan.” “Slim-Fast three times a day, one sensible meal, and you’ll lose weight.”

“Well,” Rosie said, “If I could eat a f***ing sensible meal in the first place why would I need Slim-Fast?”


Exploring Long-Term Strategies To Chance Perceptions, Eating Behaviors - And Building Long-Term Brand Health

Moderation and eating “not too much of it” is tough, especially when faced with a post-holiday freezer-full of gooey, chocolate-y, yummy brownies brought by dinner guests. Or, when faced with an amazing buffet spread at Sunday Brunch or the Double Double Combo at In-N-Out Burger.

But is deprivation really any better? Do we need the government to force us to print calorie, fat and sodium content at the point-of-sale to dissuade customers from “harming” themselves with that tasty slice of pepperoni pizza? Can’t people enjoy themselves?

Food should be something to savor, not something to be dreaded and shunned. And there is little evidence that government efforts are doing any good.

According to several studies cited in a recent New York Times Op-Ed Piece, penned not by food industry advocates but professors of Social and Decision Sciences at Carnegie Mellon University, New York City’s menu-labeling legislation has had little or no impact on calorie consumption in fast food outlets. Their obvious conclusion: “People eat too much because calorie dense foods are convenient and cheap, with large portion sizes priced to encourage overeating.”

And from the marketer’s perspective, those imperious, parent-like government efforts – likely to continue and intensify in the short-term – can’t be enhancing the brand experience, even if consumers are ignoring them to a great extent.

Can we evolve to an approach, dare I say, more European in nature, where we can have our cake – albeit a smaller slice – and eat it too? Probably not anytime soon. “This is so good you just need a few bites to be satisfied,” while true in many cases, won’t fly in the U.S. as a dominating marketing strategy in the near term.

But we are seeing some excellent efforts by marketers to come to grips with this dilemma. Coca-Cola has come out with a 7.5 ounce can that packs only 90-calories. Cookie and snack makers have developed packages with single, 100 calorie servings. The Macaroni Grill, though in direct response to a Today Show segment that described their chicken and artichoke sandwich as having “the calorie equivalent of 16 Fudgesicles,” has reformulated many of it’s popular dishes to eliminate up to one-third of the calories.

I would love to see a fast-feeder or casual restaurant chain test, as part of their menu, what we might call the “Espresso Concept.” Rather than “lite” food, an entire section of the menu devoted to small servings of indulgent foods. Less is more. Smaller is better. Higher quality and satisfying. Leaves you feeling great, energized, not weighed down. You feel good about yourself, not guilty. That was really worth it!

Difficult but possible. And the rewards – greater profitability, getting government off our backs, healthier, happier consumers, brand loyalty – seems to be well worth the long-term investment and patience required.

Facebook Therapy

by Jeff Hirsch

My piece on “The Evils of PowerPoint” in the last newsletter sparked this comment from a senior Consumer Insights executive at a major packaged goods company. Starting with a pet peeve about her research consultants using PowerPoint to confound rather than clarify, she went on to say:

“…I hate that people believe that social media is a way to obtain social community. I cannot stand how all social media presentations start off by saying the growth and emotional connections to social media is due to people's need for communities. My belief is that it is a way of avoiding true communities where you might have to really be there for someone. If we don't know our neighbors’ names, then we aren't really craving true connections. Virtual relationships are no more real than flying a virtual airplane.”

There is certainly a lot of ambiguity around social media and the exponentially changing essence of communication and community. I feel it myself. I completely agree with my friend’s thoughts on many levels. To me, there is just nothing like real, in the moment, personal, face-to-face human interaction. It’s why I love doing qualitative research. But I have to admit to loving Facebook as well.

I first signed on to Facebook several years ago for purely professional reasons. Obviously, my kids weren’t going to “friend” me. I needed to know about social media, first hand, so I could discuss it intelligently with clients. But then old friends started to emerge. Real life, offline connections were reignited, often on a much deeper and more meaningful level.

I’m on the site a few times a day and I'll post something occasionally – a funny bit from the news, YouTube videos of my band after a gig, photos from a trip or a special event, or anything else I’d like to share.

But I don't live on Facebook, as many of my "friends" do on a regular basis. It may be nice to know that "Pamela is taking a nap," "Steve is feeling even more depressed" or “Eric is on the way to the gym,” but somehow I don’t think my friends, off or online, really care about what I ate for breakfast. (Names changed to protect the guilty.)

It strikes me that more than a social tool, Facebook is the new psychotherapy. It’s a way to justify one's existence, providing the false comfort and illusion that the outside world is concerned with one's every action and feeling.

The alternate reality of Facebook is generally an idealized world. Fun, funny, upbeat and positive, Facebook creates a realm where good things happen and bad things are marginalized or ignored. We see very few posts about death, illness or misfortune. Be we will see the jobless and mourners displaying photos of their trips, walks on the beach, parties and other activities.

There are exceptions, of course. For example, one Facebook friend of mine, a cheerful, extroverted, charming man on the surface, frequently uses Facebook to unload his bad feelings. He takes on a completely different persona. Brooding, depressed, struggling with self-esteem, he will publicly despair about girlfriends who have abandoned him and wonders aloud if love exists, or more to the point, if love will ever find him.

For better or worse, Facebook is there for us, rational, tangible proof that we matter. That people are paying attention to us. A salve for loneliness and a diversion from boredom, Facebook makes self-affirmation available 24/7. Post it and they will come.

Community? Maybe. More likely, Facebook, Twitter and the like are millions of brief, individual self-administered therapy sessions going on simultaneously around the world.

You know, I’m feeling really good about getting this newsletter done and looking forward to a great night. Excuse me for a moment while I post that…

Life Imitates SNL: Part 2

by Jeff Hirsch

Last year, I blogged about how marketing imitates Saturday Night Live. (“Does Life Imitate Art?” posted April 11, 2008,) The show’s fake commercials have predicted three and four bladed razors, Southwest Airlines, and sweet breakfast cereals in the form of confections, to name a few.

The trend continues. Earlier this summer, John Stewart ran a comic piece on new catch phrases in TV journalism. Segments on CNN and other networks that start or end with cutesy expressions such as “Just Sayin’,” “What the…?” and “No Way!”

Way!

Check out SNL’s “Really with Seth and Amy,” then take a look at what the news networks are up to by clicking on the links below. Really!

"Really with Seth & Amy"

Catch Phrases from the "Real" News

Bad Karma

by Jeff Hirsch

John Lennon must be turning over in his grave. First, “Revolution” and “Instant Karma” were used in TV commercials to sell sneakers. At least the latter spot was successful in equating hard work with athletic performance and reward. Very karma-like, indeed.

Now “Instant Karma” has been co-opted by the banking giant Chase to spotlight its entry to the Southern California market. If you recall, after receiving bailout money from the federal government, Chase got a screamin’ deal on Washington Mutual after its collapse last year. Chase quickly went about converting all the old WaMu locations here in California and spreading the word with millions of dollars of TV ads, billboards, radio spots, display ads and more.

The “Instant Karma” ad features a toothless musical version of John’s rant with carefully edited lyrics. We see visual cliché after cliché of how the good life in California is perceived by out-of-touch New York copywriters and art directors, capped off by a man walking into a Chase branch being greeted by a warm, beautiful, friendly smiling, young woman who asks, “How may I help you?” in her most empathetic voice.

Hmm. Can you stop raising my credit card interest rates and turning down my mortgage re-fi? But I digress.

This prominent member of the elite banking establishment, with its bloated executive pay, bailout money and tin ear where the consumer is concerned, picks, of all songs, one that says, “Instant Karma is going to get you. It’s gonna knock you off your feet.”

Really? What the…? Noway!


More on John

I had the pleasure of dining with a friend from high school in New York City over the summer. We met on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, my old stomping grounds. I had not been in the neighborhood for a while, and while it should not have been a surprise, it was disheartening to see the diners, neighborhood bars and other local businesses replaced by multiple Starbucks, The Gap and all the other big chains operations.

A truly iconic restaurant/bar/hang out, Ruskay’s, was now a Duane Reade super-drug store. John was known to hang out there back in the day, and I mentioned this irony to my friend.

She told me that one day in the late 70’s she was walking down 72nd Street when she saw a familiar face. “Hi! I know you,” she said. He replied, “I know you too.” They spent five minutes chatting, trying to figure out how they knew each other when she realized that she was talking to an ex-Beatle.

Einstein on Marketing

One of my favorite quotes comes from Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Such an incisive thought for marketers, as it is so easy for all of us to fall into the trap of the comfortable familiar when we deal with professional challenge.

Finally, I have read a wonderful book about the man whose name is synonymous with genius, “Einstein, His Life and Universe,” by Walter Isaacson.

Some things never change. Just like in high school physics, my eyes start glazing over when reading passages on Einstein’s theories. I need a book to explain the book. But the man’s fascinating life, mind and personality jump off the page. As much philosopher as scientist, many of his quotes could apply to marketing research and innovation.

“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?”

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

“Information is not knowledge.”


“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”

There are so many more. But next to “insanity,” I think my new favorite just might be:

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”

Being There

By Jeff Hirsch
President, The Right Brain Studio

It’s one thing to read about and understand trends. It’s another to experience them first hand.

Take for instance, the decline in newspaper readership, which by now is old news. And lately, everyone from columnists like Maureen Dowd to the newspaper reviewers of the latest Russell Crow movie “State of Play” are lamenting about the bygone glory days of newspaper men and women.

A lover of newspapers, I am well aware of what is going on in that business. But I don’t think I really felt the full impact of this trend until I confronted it head on. I have been asking young people about their media habits in every focus group that I’ve conducted in the past few years. Almost without exception, I don’t think a single respondent under the age of 25 has admitted to reading a newspaper – even online.

Their source of news? Sometimes “the Internet,” though they generally fail to mention any specific sites other than Yahoo or Google home pages that list headlines and links. Some younger respondents, in all seriousness, cite “The Daily Show” or “The Colbert Report.” Most often, they don’t get any news at all.

And these aren’t just slackers and screw ups. Most are really good kids. Some are honors students attending are bound for top universities.

The threat of an uniformed public is scary enough for democracy, and enough has been written on the subject, but I fear to say that it’s probably good news for marketers in many ways. Brands thrive on emotional connection, where the underlying facts often provide support points for positioning and communications, but seldom serve as brand’s reason for being. Being informed is not the same as being cool, and brands are all about cool, no matter what the category or the target.

But that’s not the point. The issue, rather, is that we, of a certain generation, and even those a generation or two behind, may have the wisdom and experience to offer sound marketing advice on big picture brand positioning and strategy issues, but when it comes to execution, creating campaigns and making media decisions, I’m not sure we have a clue. We might be well read and tech savvy. We know the trends, we have Facebook accounts and we can Tweet. But do we really feel our targets’ essence and truly understand their emotion and though processes?

I, for one, do my best to read two newspapers a day, read the New Yorker and other magazines in print on occasion, listen to NPR and watch network television on my television set, not Hulu. Yes, I am on Facebook and work on a Mac, but I am a still a dinosaur. I can lament all I want about how this generation has no grasp of current events, history or culture, but it’s all misguided. Maybe not as a citizen, but certainly as a marketer.

Everything changes, and to best understand and embrace change, whether we like it or not, it has to be felt close up and personal.

Random Acts of Genorosity

By Jeff Hirsch
President, The Right Brain Studio

An article from the June 21 issue of the New York Times Magazine quotes the CEO of the Hyatt hotel chain as saying that guests will now experience “random acts of generosity.” In true Las Vegas style, the hotel will do things like picking up the tab for your hotel-bar drinks or hotel-spa massage unexpectedly.

“Comps,” as they are called in the casino business, drive that industry crazy. Regular customers who lose $100 in the slots expect free dinners. The gambler’s sense of entitlement is generally way out of whack, and I can’t help but thinking that Hyatt is opening a can of worms here that they will regret.

The great irony though, as pointed out in the article, is that Hyatt is announcing these “unexpected” acts of generosity. Consumers sniff insincerity a mile a way. We’ll see how this turns out.

Read the full article here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/21/magazine/21FOB-Consumed-t.html

The Evils of PowerPoint

By Jeff Hirsch
President, The Right Brain Studio

I have to admit, I never did like PowerPoint. This probably has its roots in elementary school, where I got A’s on everything with the exception of art class and penmanship. I still can’t draw and have trouble even signing my name (should have been a doctor!), so it’s no surprise that my PowerPoint skills were never well developed.

But I’m thinking that that isn’t such a bad thing. It took me a long time to hone my writing skills, where I aspire to clear communication with actionable recommendations based on real consumer insight. While I believe fervently in the power of visuals to communicate, it seems to me that PowerPoint is all too often used as a crutch. As David Ogilvy put it, research should be not be used as a drunk uses a lamppost – for illumination, not for support. The same goes for PowerPoint.

The business culture often reflects our impatient society at large, as we seek immediate gratification and are unwilling to accept the ambiguity inherent in making decisions. But many PowerPoint presentations that seem to be impressive at first blush are simply a collection of clichéd pick up art from the Web and incomprehensible diagrams and flow charts.

Just as the ranks of musicians and artists proliferated when the Mac arrived on the scene, and then the PC when it caught up, making creativity “easy” and “accessible,” PowerPoint became a crutch for business people with nothing to say to provide the appearance of looking smart. We all like to complain about lawyers who have developed a language all their own to keep us mere mortals in confused and in awe, but we are no better.

Simply put, bullet points will never replace prose for analysis. PowerPoint can be a great tool for presentations when well executed, but how often is PowerPoint used in place of written reports?

McKinsey was among the first in PowerPoint “innovation,” taking complex information and cramming everything but the kitchen sink into a limited number of slides. Knowing how the watch works can be very impressive, but I’d rather tell time.

This shorthand disease has spread like a virus into the mainstream. Too often, we see PowerPoint reports blending the ridiculously obvious with so much visual information that they are rendered nearly worthless. Those of us in the marketing and communications business owe it to our clients and ourselves to be more thoughtful, eloquent and precise.

Lists of bullet points with visuals are seldom a viable substitute for descriptive prose. Along with PowerPoint, text messages, Tweets and rushed emails short attention spans are only growing shorter. But in world of increasing emotional complexity and economic hardship, the depth and power of well written prose are more essential than ever.

These points are beautifully illustrated by Edwin Tuffte, an artist and professor at Yale in his original “PowerPoint is Evil” tract, first published in September 2003, and Peter Norvig’s brilliant recreation of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address as a PowerPoint.

Click on these links to see their work.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/ppt2.html

http://norvig.com/Gettysburg/sld001.htm

Research ROI

In the ivory towers of our business schools we learned that when times get tough, investments in advertising, product development and marketing research always pay off handsomely in the long run. Unfortunately, we live in a very impatient and unforgiving real world where “long term” can mean six months or less.

All of our clients are struggling with the demand to do far more with far less across the board. The areas of qualitative research, concept development and innovation are no exception. But the good news is that there strategies for doing so successfully without sacrificing quality.

Quality is the key word here. There will always be a direct correlation between research ROI with the quality of the partners you choose and the process you plan together. Moderating skills are critical, of course, but really just the cost of entry. The real value is in the researcher's ability to quickly grasp the higher order values and bring them down to earth in clearly communicated, realistic, actionable recommendations.

Providing a structure to manage the back room at focus groups is equally important as running things smoothly in the front room. Thought leadership and supporting efforts to build understanding and consensus among key internal stakeholders are just as valuable as any sorting exercise or projective technique.

Project scope needs to be well managed as well. Many projects - and I would wager most from the big research companies - are exercises in self-indulgence and overkill. I have seen relatively simple positioning projects that included more than 20 in-home interviews spread over three markets, eight focus groups and an Online Bulletin Board with an “expert panel.” All this and the only deliverable was the identification of highly academic “higher order values.”

These types of heady, quasi-intellectual discussions are certainly fascinating, but this kind of excessive waste and ephemeral work is inexcusable. Our job is to recommend the right number of groups or interviews required to fully understand the brand and category dynamics, and then to provide specific, tangible, realistic, actionable next steps for clients to move their businesses forward.

With the right people and the right planning, it’s amazing what can be accomplished in as little as four to six groups.

Why Brand Names Are Like Joe Biden

By Jeff Hirsch
President, The Right Brain Studio

Every four years, pundits from across the political spectrum offer the usual, unsolicited advice to Presidential nominees. “When choosing a Vice Presidential running mate, do no harm.”

People vote for Presidents, not Vice Presidents. Never has an election been carried solely or even partially on the merits of the running mate. However, a VP pick that provides a significant distraction from the top of the ticket can indeed inflict serious damage.

Brand names and Vice Presidents have much in common. We think names are critically important and often deploy an enormous, disproportionate level of resources against them. But how important are they? More and more, visual brand identity, logos and related icons, will trump verbal communication. Most often, companies and brands are named first, which in turn, drives the graphic development process. In fact, it should be just the opposite.

I am called upon frequently to create names for new brands or re-name old ones, often before a brand positioning is finalized. Of all creative marketing tasks, I have always found the naming process to be the most challenging, frustrating, tedious and unrewarding.

For when all is said and done, has a product name ever truly propelled a brand to success on its own?

Brand names are highly subjective and nearly impossible to test, especially with no visual context. Imagine how the names of some of our most iconic brands might have been received in focus groups if they were exposed in the typical fashion, simply words read out loud, projected, or written on a piece of paper: What would consumers say about a computer called Apple or Macintosh, a sneaker called Nike, a coffee house called Starbucks or a drink called Pepsi? They would have died and promptly been buried in the graveyard known as the back rooms of focus group facilities. Those names would have meant nothing in regard to the products they represent, at least not without some explanation.

But when do you ever have time to explain in marketing communications? As my friend Jean Pierre Lacroix, President of Shikatani Lacroix Brand Design, likes to say, packaging and other brand communications that must carry complex, emotionally based ideas, need to communicate to consumers in the “blink of the eye.” How many names of great brands can pass the “Blink Factor” test on their own, especially when they are new?

We laugh, but the “Artist formerly known as Prince” may have had it right many years ago when he wanted to be known simply by a visual mark. While his design never seemed to stand for anything to which people could connect, this is not the case with brands such as Apple or Nike. The Nike “swoosh” was almost instantly recognized as an icon meaning speed, agility and aspiration.

Apple is about access to technology, innovation, “being in,” design, self-expression and more. It is not about fruit, though one could argue that the image of an apple with a bite missing does evoke a range of very basic human feelings including nourishment, temptation and fulfilled desire (the “bite”), truth, nature, education (apples for the teacher) and possibly even American style democracy (All American Apple Pie).

Still, I believe that that any number of innocuous brand names could have accomplished the same goal, for it is the brand experience and cultural context that inform the brand name, not the other way around.

It was product design and bold communications that transformed Apple from a rip-off of a record label or a piece of fruit to stand for something much bigger. In turn, the company has always this leveraged the logo more than the written name to communicate this brand essence. Visit the Apple website today and you won’t even see the company name on the home page. The logo does all the work.

Starting the brand identification process with imagery, not the written word is all the more important now that we are assaulted by so much clutter on a daily basis. Before there were words there were cave paintings, and the power of an image to communicate a powerful message in “the blink of an eye” remains undiminished. Of course, as brands become more global, non-verbal communication is even more essential.

All of this is not to say that great brand names should always be the goal, and in those situations where the name must be descriptive of product function, marketers would do better by considering names first.

But in these times, a picture is worth far more than a thousand words. A rich, evocative image that helps define the emotional benefits of a brand can be worth many millions of dollars.

Depression Mentality: The Sequel - by Jeff Hirsch

The President won’t say the “R” word, but signs that consumers are feeling the pain of a stagnant economy and rising prices can be found everywhere. Maybe you’ve even made some changes yourself.

You know things are bad when people start drinking more Keystone Light and less Corona. According to IRI, as quoted in the New York Times, sales of the latter are up and the former are down. The same article cites Technomic data indicating that the number of people ordering an alcoholic drink in a restaurant fell to 31% in March from 42% last summer. That’s a big drop, especially considering that we’re talking about a category of products that people crave.

But no wonder. If you live in New York, L.A., Chicago, Miami or any other big city, one drink might set you back $15. If you’re going out as a couple or have more than one, well, you can do the math.

The 20-something urban set seems to have been on to this for quite a while. In many, many focus groups over the years, young adults have told me that they drink at home to “get a buzz” before they go out, then order sparingly and drink very slowly in the bars or restaurants to conserve funds.

Now it looks like the working and middle-classes are following suit.

I can’t help but think of my grandfather. He would never pay restaurant prices for a drink, always opting for his precisely measured jigger of Dewar’s on the rocks at home before going to dinner. And of course, once he was at the restaurant – the Early Bird special, 4:30 PM reservation – he wouldn’t order anything a la carte. If the baked potato didn’t come with dinner, that was that.

This kind of frugality was sometimes referred to as a “Depression Mentality,” after the famous economic downturn, not the state of mind. In a nation of spenders, second mortgages and excessive credit card debt, will this self-denial continue when the good times inevitably start rolling again? There is the possibility, though I doubt a good one, that chastened consumers adopt a more conservative approach to spending and saving, which would indeed cause depression – in every sense of the word – for marketers.

Brands as Super Heroes: Lessons from the Comics - by Jeff Hirsch

“Yeah, I can fly,” says Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man in the blockbuster that opened with over $100 million at the box office this weekend. Films based on comics are certainly soaring, with Marvel alone touting $4.9 billion in worldwide gross to date for its comic-based feature films. In his review of Iron Man in last Thursday’s L.A. Times, film critic Kenneth Turan observes, “the comic book movie is clearly the genre of our time.”

Marketers should be paying a lot of attention to this ever-growing phenomenon. My young friend Ben Jackendoff, our go-to-guy for his insight into the youth and young adult markets, gaming, new media and social networking, has a laser-like focus on bringing comics to the big screen in his movie-producing career. Beyond Batman, Superman, The Hulk, X-Men and the other household names, there are immensely popular graphic novels and comics out there that will work their way into the mainstream sooner rather than later if Ben and his like-minded colleagues have anything to say about it.

Ben constantly reminds me of the Jungian, mythic power of these timeless stories. There is much more going on here than good versus evil. The ambiguity of these characters, their fears, weaknesses and darker sides of their personalities are a direct reflection of our struggles to make sense of and survive in a morally complex and dangerous world. Regardless, the numbers speak for themselves – comics are huge and highly relevant.

There is a lesson in this for marketers. I often talk about the mythic power of great brands and the “hero stories” of their visionary founders. But when iconic brands are discounted and line-extended to the extreme, can there be any surprise that brand loyalty continues to erode?

Villains such as The Joker, The Penguin and The Riddler are the line extensions of comics. But while he may have many adversaries, but there is only one Batman. Imagine what Batman line extensions would do to the franchise - new, additional “Batmen” like “Batman Las Vegas” or “Urban-Gang-Busting Batman.” Mess with your Brand Myth, and you’ve got trouble. Something to think about next time you pass by Fruity Cheerios in the supermarket.

Does Life Imitate Art? - by Jeff Hirsch

I don’t know about that, but I can tell you this with absolute certainty: That marketing imitates Saturday Night Live.

SNL’s “fake” commercials are prescient. Great exaggerations, lampoons of brand promises that fall short, or simply absurd new product ideas. You’d think that hell would freeze over before these made-up brands got to market as bona fide products. But they do.

The very first episode of the show in 1975 featured an ad spoof for the Triple Trac, three-blade razor, because "You'll believe anything." Gillette's now up to four blades and counting. Then of course, we have the fabulous John Belushi as Decathlon Champion, belly jiggling out over his shorts as he rounds the track to set a world record. The final frames of the spot show him smoking a cigarette, testifying that he owes it all to the breakfast cereal “Little Chocolate Donuts." Checked the cereal aisle lately? We've got Cookie Crisp, Oreo O’s, Reese’s Puffs and S’mores Crunch just to name a few. Not to mention Chocolate Donutz Cereal from General Mills, which was available briefly in the early 1980's. Childhood obesity? No problem! Cocoa Puffs is now whole grain! In 1981, there was "Trans-Eastern Airlines," whose theme song was, "It's like riding in a cattle car with wings." You are now free to move around the country.

The list goes on. Maybe it's not that we'll believe anything. But that we'll accept anything. I have long predicted that consumers will finally rebel against poor service, non-stop commercial messages, ballparks named after corporations, bad service or just being ignored. I'm still waiting...

Lost in Translation - by Jeff Hirsch

Are you speaking the same language your consumers speak? More and more, I see my job as that of translator.

It stands to reason that whatever language your consumers speak, you would want to communicate with them in that language.

But all too often, it seems that companies are speaking Greek to customers who speak English. Their message isn’t just lost in translation. It’s just lost.

Technology companies are more to blame than consumer goods companies, and understandably so. Their engineers, scientists and programmers spend months or years to bring highly complex products to life. We’re not talking about a snack here, but about serious, complex business solutions for serious business people. When those products are finally ready for market, of course they want their potential customers to know how hard they’ve worked and what they’ve succeeded in doing against great odds. They honestly believe their product will seem more special if they tell consumers every single product feature and the technology behind it.

Unfortunately, customers – even business customers – could care less. In the consumer market, what they care about is driving fast or using a sexy new kind of cell phone that provides easy access to their music, emails and the Internet. Internal combustion and arcane programming codes are the last things on their minds. And it’s no different when selling B2B.

This seems to be straightforward, and indeed, many companies boast that they are consumer, rather than technology focused. But so many companies, in consumer goods industries as well as technology, seem to miss the point.

For example, we just repositioned and developed marketing executions for a software company called Island Data. More than anything, our work was based on marketing research with their existing corporate clients and prospects.

Here was the headline on their website when we first met them:

Is your marketing ROI measurable? Are your marketing campaigns and metrics based on intuition or actual customer experience?

Does that tell you what they do? What is the main benefit? How should their customers feel when they use the software?

It was clear that Island Data had created some incredible, proprietary technology. And we learned about it in depth. We heard about algorithms, the downside of linguistic searches, word clusters, codes, attributes, themes and more. It was overwhelming and confusing to us, and that was with detailed explanations directly from the client – details that prospects could never hope to receive from an ad or even a website.

And if we didn’t get it after all that, it was not a leap of faith to consider that a huge communications barrier was significantly limiting sales. Even in a B2B environment, product benefits need to be delivered in the blink of an eye in a very compelling, emotional way.

Remarkably, Island Data was probably doing the best job of communicating with their target prospects within their competitive set. Consider the product description of one of their key competitors, taken directly from that company’s website:

Attensity's technology is the culmination of over a decade of research in computational linguistics at the University of Utah. This research led to breakthrough software that allows computers to understand and process free-form text, offering government and commercial organizations the opportunity to leverage the vast amounts of information contained in nonstructured formats.

The technology…creates output in XML and in a structured relational data format that is fused with existing structured data for analysis. Building on its award winning, patented text extraction technology, Attensity offers an integrated Text Analytics suite that enables users to seamlessly extract facts from text using Attensity's wide-range of statistical and linguistic extraction technologies, and then using a web-based application, further search, classify, discover and analyze text to rapidly and accurately identify issues, uncover problems and drive decisions.

Huh? I use this product why? It helps me how? Sounds like Greek to me!

I cannot vouch for Attensity’s product, but after talking to Island Data’s clients in-depth, both face-to-face and over the telephone, it was clear that Island Data was highly valuable in very tangible ways, but that it also transcended mere functionality.

But what did it all mean, and how could we take this Greek and turn it into English?

First, it was clear that these marketers, both as individuals and part of a larger corporate culture, were highly focused on the customer experience. In the words of the CEO of a chain of restaurants, “I paid dearly to acquire my customers. I need to do everything I can to hold on to them.”

Next, the real benefit of Island Data wasn’t about text mining, algorithms, or patented technology. It was about seeking order from chaos. Taking overwhelming amounts – tens of thousands of emails and other customer comments that come in every month – and making sense of them. To truly understand what customers were saying, in their own words, and having the ability to do something about it. Fast.

It also led to a very important feeling for respondents: “I’m in control.”

This premise was tested in focus groups with sophisticated B2B, Fortune 500 executives along with other positioning concepts, resulting in this very straightforward translation:

“Turn mountains of customer feedback into business-building action."

Here are the before and after website home pages.






It’s too early to tell how this translation will affect sales, which ironically, begs the question, “Is (our client’s) marketing ROI measurable?” But we do think that we succeeded in transforming Island Data’s communications to a customer orientation, which will indeed accelerate the sales process significantly.

The Death of Baseball - by Jeff Hirsch

I went to my third and probably last Dodger game of the year last night. Maybe my last Dodger game ever. Call me old fashioned, but going to a game just isn’t what it used to be. Actually, don’t call my old fashioned. Just call me sane.

Perhaps I’m spoiled. The first game I ever went to was at Yankee Stadium, probably around 1960 or 1961. Doubleheader with the Tigers. It was with my dad, his best friend from high school, Al, and his son, Eddie.

I’ll never forget climbing the steep ramps of the old Yankee Stadium (before the 1970’s remodel), up and up and up and up for what seemed like forever. Finally, we reached our level. We walked through a dark, narrow tunnel, and then… The sunshine and the sea of green that was the Yankee Stadium outfield overwhelmed me. I never saw greener grass or anything so beautiful in my life. It was mesmerizing, almost a religious experience. I still get that feeling whenever I go to a baseball game, wherever it is.

The day was long and leisurely. The sights, sounds and smells were memorable. Kids turned over empty soda cups and stomped on them, making a loud popping sound that echoed through the old ballpark. I heard guys whistle in ways I didn’t think were possible. Vendors hawked peanuts, Cracker Jack, Cokes, Schaeffer beer, hot dogs and ice cream. We ate copious amounts of horrible food and enjoyed it thoroughly. We sat and watched batting practice and the pitchers shagging flies in the outfield. In between games we just hung out and talked. It was so much fun just to be at the ballpark.

Al was amazing. He remembered every detail of very ballgame he’d ever attended. When I asked him, ten years later, about that day, he instantly said, “Doubleheader with the Tigers. Yankees won the first, lost the second,” then went on to tell me the final scores, starting pitchers and the highlights.

The games were great too. I think, but I’m not sure, that was the day when Rocky Colavito made a fabulous diving catch, robbing Hector Lopez of a game ending hit, but breaking his collarbone in the process. But I don’t know…I’m no Al. Maybe that was another Yankees-Tiger game I saw.

But I wonder what Al would remember after the head-pounding, bone-rattling, ear-splitting, over-the-top marketing assault that passes for a live baseball game in Los Angeles today. Last night, I couldn’t wait to get out of there, and I could barely remember my name by the time I left the ballpark.

Gone are the days where the main attraction of a baseball game was actually the game itself. And you certainly can’t take in any sights or sounds. You are bombarded non-stop, as soon as you walk into the ballpark.

It seems to me that the game was simply a medium to carry as much advertising as possible. Everything was sponsored, and I mean everything. Batting practice. Strikeouts, home runs, walks. If the Dodgers score ten runs you get a free order of wings at Hooters! (This excited my date to a game earlier in the year to no end.)

The very first thing that happens after you walk through the turnstile is an assault from a guy who wants to give you a “free” T-shirt if you sign up for a Dodger credit card. “Come on, you like the Dodgers! Sign up!” Actually, I’m a Mets fan and I like my credit rating more than either team.

Hollywood Park Casino was a big sponsor. “Hey fans, looking for something to do after the game? Come gamble at the casino!” I’m not making this up. Doesn’t that just make you want to grab your ten-year-old boy and bring him out to the old ball game?

There is a electronic “banner” that curves around the entire length of the stadium, from left field, around home plate and back out to right field. This is constantly lit up with some kind of colorful advertisement. “Another Kragen Auto Parts Strikeout!!!”

In between innings, we are forced to look at (and listen to) the Jumbotron, where we can guess which Chevy Truck will win the race, or watch some hapless fan guess the answer to a Coke Dodger trivia question or a Universal Studios (“The Entertainment Capital of Los Angeles!!”) entertainment trivia question created by one of your favorite Dodger players! Last night, and again, I’m not making this up, the trivia question was, “Which movie featured a ferocious T-Rex?” Was it “Jaws,” “ET,” or “Jurassic Park?” (The guy got it right.)

There wasn’t a moment of peace. If a Dodger player draws a walk, there is a sponsored celebration with sights and sounds that would make you think the Dodgers just won the World Series.

It is impossible to talk. Or think. What we feel about every ball and strike, every play, every idle moment is dictated to us.

Baseball, at least in Los Angeles, is truly dying, victim to the need to squeeze every possible penny out of every fan and every square foot of space. I’m beyond the $8 watered down Bud Light. This is about a sensory assault that not fan should have to tolerate.

I wonder why the fans do still tolerate it. You’d have to think, that over time, the poor experience would translate to lower attendance, but that doesn’t seem to have happened yet.

Of course, there’s a terrifying alternative point of view about all this. Maybe that’s what fans really want. The burdens of actually communicating with your friends and family, of being still for a moment, of not being entertained non-stop – could it be too much for the contemporary fan?

It’s not unlike going into a restaurant or bar with TV’s all over the place. Intimate conversation with my dinner date? I think not….

I have faith in people – fans and consumers. They’ll get fed up at the mall where plasma screen TV’s blast ads at you when you’re walking around or sitting down for a bite to eat in the food court. They’ll stop showing up at ball games if it’s going to be expensive and unpleasant. They’ll get pissed off at the companies who plaster their brand names on stadiums or Bowl games. (The Poulan Weedeater Bowl is still my favorite.)

We’re starting to see it. People are using the web to create their own communities and their own entertainment. The top down flow of news, entertainment and opinion has been turned upside down.

It’s the age old question of short-term revenue versus long-term viability. Short-term is still way ahead, but push consumers to far – and I think they’re now right on the brink – and you’ll see that change fast.

The great marketers get this already.