Bigger than Barbie! Twitter is now Brand X!
The movie business has seen dark times lately, but this past “Barbiheimer” weekend has provided hope.
And things are looking up!
I can’t wait for next year’s big comedy, “How to Lose an Iconic Business in 10 Days.” Rumor has it that Elon Musk will play himself.
It’s an age-old tale of an unchecked ego and hubris leading to evil and ruination. A brilliant visionary fights off his demons and the challenges of autism to create amazing products that literally change the world. But success goes to his head and the demons re-emerge stronger than ever.
“My powers have no limits. I will bend the will of the world to my whims.”
He fires half the employees. The product suffers. Users leave in droves. Advertisers abandon him. The business loses half its value quickly. A competitive service by the company’s biggest competitor sets record for downloads.
There is only one thing to be done: Double down!
Our hero zeroes in on the brand’s most important assets. “Let’s abandon them!” What brand needs to be familiar and relatable? People love mystery! And who needs transparency?
Why stick with a brand name and logo that everyone loves? No, better to replace it with “X.” Best brand name ever! It’s how illiterates sign their names. It’s what you need to solve for in high school algebra. It signifies mistakes. I could go on! So many reasons for everyone to share my X fetish!”
Paraphrasing one of his new-found friends, “Only I and I alone can save Twitter. And I’ll do it be erasing any vestige of this once loved brand, taking away everything that it once stood for and replacing it with something much more compelling. Me.”
But wait, there’s better news! The blockbuster sequel is in the works for Summer 2025! The film, with the working title of “Unplugged,” is an old fashioned horror film. An evil genius (again, played by Musk himself) creates a revolutionary automobile that’s a computer on wheels and requires no gasoline. At first, the world breathes easier and celebrates the genius.
But suspicions are aroused as he starts impregnating multiple women every year, breaking down their defenses with hypnotic displays of wealth and power. He is grooming his heirs, a veritable collection of Mini X’s!
But the rails come off when the cars, controlled by Musk himself from the supercomputer in his secret lair, start driving themselves to Northern California, where they surround Meta headquarters and…
We’ll just have wait for 2025 to see how that one turns out.